Whether you’re co-parenting, parenting with a partner, parenting solo, or any other option this is for you simply if you’re a parent. Right now, life is pretty inconsistent for kids. They’re spending time at school, with parents/primary caregivers, maybe they’re spending time with a nanny or grandparents. Even just going from school to home means two different sets of expectations. So, add in all these other adults and locations and your child is bouncing between a wide range of expectations and boundaries.
I’m going to keep this very simple, short, and applicable. When you have one boundary that your child is trying to break and they say “at school it’s okay to do this” – instead of arguing about it, you simply say, “that’s fine. Here in this house with me, this is the expectation. Do you have questions about what’s expected?”
Boundary: your child leaves their food/plate at the table and you want them to put it away
You say: “I understand this is what you do at school (or other parent’s house, or grandma/grandpa’s etc.). In our home here with me, the expectation is that you put your dish in the sink. Do you want me to show you what I mean?”
This does a few things:
- Removes the opportunity for argument. You’re not asking them if they’re okay with it. You’re not scolding them or reprimanding them. You are passing no judgement on the actions one way or another.
- Keeps the other parties neutral. Whether or not you like the way things happen when your child is at school, grandparents, other parent etc. you aren’t making the others “bad.” You’re simply stating the expectation and boundary in your home/care.
- It allows them to easily move forward after making a “bad” choice. Generally, when we tell kids we want them to do something a different way, there’s resistance. This makes it easy for them to move past that resistance and even gives them the opportunity to say “nope, I’ve got it!” This would even turn the “moment” into a positive.
What do you want to hear about next? Send me a DM and let me know!!